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This morning wasn’t too great because I sometimes feel that I should be doing more than I am right now. I’ve never really had a clear cut “this is what I want to do with my life” but I know I don’t want to be stuck in PA and I almost feel stuck here….don’t really want to dwell on old negative feelings 

anyways things may be looking up because I applied to this job out in California where I would be doing disaster relief and a mix of volunteer work which is mostly outdoors and physical. I got a call back and set up a phone interview for this Wednesday at 5:30pm. I really really hope that I don’t fuck this up because this could be  really great thing for me :D this is great because I have a lot of questions that I was dumb and didn’t ask beforehand.

for starters, the job is in California. so that would be getting out of PA and going where I have wanted to for a while now.

being there would have me a hell of a lot closer to Jesse. not in the same state but at least I wouldn’t be sitting here in PA wishing I could be closer to her. which is what I was bummed about this morning. I’ve never been in an ldr like this and most times I’m okay but others I just want to be able to have her physically near me.

also when my five and a half months are done, they had mentioned possibly getting some sort of loan towards school which would be really cool. I have relatives that live out there and it would be easier to go and visit or stay with them from where I would be staying as opposed to coming from where I am now.

with this being a lot of physical work I could finally lose this belly pudge, it’s dumb and I am more or less comfortable with my weight as of now but that’s not really too big of a deal really.

I’m not so sure if I’ll ever be certain of my future but at least I would be movng in the right direction and that makes me feel somewhat better.

tl;dr
wish me luck for this job offer please
my feelings all over the place about everything